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November 12 2009 5 12 /11 /November /2009 18:40

I hope you know how to read Setswana guys… 
  
Mma Khoza o ne a imile, Monna wa gagwe o ne a dira kwa Gauteng ..

Ntate-Moruti wa mo tikologong one a etela Ma-Khoza jaaka go tlwaelegile
gore Moruti o etele maloko a phuthego kwa malapeng a bona...

Ene yare ga ale moo a mmotsa, " Gontse goya jang Ma-khoza?"

"Go ntse go isega tlhe RreMoruti ga ese matlhaba a dimpa fela", Ma-khoza
a araba...

Moruti are "nte re di rapelle gore di tsamaye Mma".

Ga ba ntse ba rapela Moruti a re "He Banna?!!!, Monna wa gago o batlile
a dira phoso e tona thata man!!!"

"Phoso!!? phoso ya eng Muruti??"

Moruti are, "O tsamaile a sa dira tlhogo ya ngwana man!?" "Legale ga go
sepe ke tla e dira..."

Moruti a kota Ma-Khoza, a mo hasha, strong le gona...

Morago ga beke Rre-Khoza a bowa gotswa Gauteng , ga ba le mo tafoleng ya
dijo le mohumagadi, Ma-khoza a mo tlotlela.

"Rra, O batlile o dira phoso e tona thata tlhe kana!?"
 

"Phoso!?, phoso ya eng!?" Rre a botse.

" Kana Rre Moruti are o tsamaile o sa dira tlhogo ya ngwana, legale o
ile a e dira"


Rre Khoza a didimala, yare ka Mantaga aya kwa go Moruti mme a mo
fitlhela a peta-peta mo tshingwaneng ya gagwe ya merogo mme are, "
Dumela Moruti"

Moruti a arabe.

Rre Khoza are "ke ne ke tlile go kopa 'chenchi' ya R200.00"

Moruti are, " Nyaa, ga ke dumele nka nna le yona ya madi a a kalo"

Khoza are, " Ke dumela e tla nna teng yaaka maabane e ne ele sontaga
Rra"

Lekgale nka kopa Mma Moruti?
Rre Khoza a botsa, Moruti a dumelana le kakanyo eo.

Khoza a tsene mo tlung a fitlhe are go Mmamoruti, " Mma, Moruti a re o
mphe KUKU"

Mma moruti are KUKU? E e, nyaa Rra, ke a gana, Moruti a ka se nthee yalo
kana, a ka bua yang selo sese yalo? nyaa ga ke dumele"

Khoza a re go mma moruti, "o ka mo ipoletsa yena mme gee"

Mma moruti a goeletsa ka letlhabaphefo a sa batle gore bafiti ka tsela
ba lemoge, "Rra a tota ware ke mo nee?"

"Ee" gwa bua moruti.

huh, Khoza le ene a kota Mma Moruti, ga a fetsa a tsamaya, a feta a
leboga Moruti.

Rre Moruti fa a tsena ka mo ntlung a makatswa ke monkgo wa masepa. Mme a
botsa gore molato ke eng? " "Huh Rra, ga waake wa mpolaisa ka motho
yaalo" Mma Moruti a araba.

Kana kare o tsere leoto la me a le baya mo thamong ya gagwe a mpereka,
ga ke sare ke thamo ya gagwe, a ntsaya a mpeya mo tafoleng a beya maoto
ame mo thamong ya me a mpereka gape, ga ke sare ke tafole a mphetola a
ntsena ka mo morago ka utlwa ke kua ebile ke lebetse gore ke Mmamoruti,
mara ka itshwara, yaare fale ga ale gaufi le go rota a e tsenya yotlhe
yaba ya nkgotla popelo, ka utlwa e kete e tswa ka molomo, gore ke kakile

neng nka bua maaka.

Rra kare ga ise ke bereke ke motho yalo. Kana tlhe o mpolaisitse!!!!"

Moruti a didimala gonne a itse se ena a se dirileng.

Ka le le latelang ke ga Khoza a feta a dumedisa are, "Dumela Moruti".

Moruti a arabe, " Ya!!!, ma-tsamaya a kopa 'chenchi' "

Khoza are, " Le wena, ma tsamaya a dira di tlhogo!!!!"

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November 12 2009 5 12 /11 /November /2009 18:37
Teacher: why did u laugh? 
Boy:  I saw 1 strap of your bra. 
Teacher: GET OUT of the classroom for 1 week... 
2nd boy laughed. 
Teacher: why did u laugh? 
Boy 2: I saw both straps. 
Teacher: GET OUT FOR 1 MONTH. 
She bent down 2 pick up a piece of chalk, Little Johnny started walking out. 
Teacher: Johnny, why r u going out? 
Little Johnny: Judging from what I just saw, I think my school days are over.

 
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October 2 2009 6 02 /10 /October /2009 19:54
follow this link   link
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September 13 2009 1 13 /09 /September /2009 15:28
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September 13 2009 1 13 /09 /September /2009 15:14
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August 4 2009 3 04 /08 /August /2009 17:50
When girls don't put out!!
This was written by a guy.....it's pretty damn smart.


Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!



I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't fe el like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where sh e picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love m e for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.......but at least that b
*tch knows I'm smarter than her.
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July 15 2009 4 15 /07 /July /2009 10:45

hah

KHWEZELA NOMA UKHUZEKE
 
This is a workshop on relationships that was in pmb recently. Guest speakers were: Bishop Mkhize, Past Khathide, Past. Dube & Mama uMahlaba (Khozi FM thursdays at 8pm) powerful stuff..........

 
 
 
Sanibonani

 
Kwakungeve kumnandi kwa khwezela angifuni nisale nodwa ningavuthi, asivutheni sonke bakwethu. I will just share a few things, kuningi okwakhulunywa that day saze saqeda ngabo 00H15 ebusuku.  

 
Bishop Mkhize: Marriage is from God

  • It is not good 4 a man to be alone
  • Marriage is made in heaven but the maintenance of it is done on earth
  • Know yr identity first b4 uthi ufuna ukushada, Who am I?
  • Two principles of umshado: Wife to submit to her husband and husband to love his wife  

Mam Mahlaba: Family and Marriage

  •  Indoda yoshiya umndeni /abakubo inamathele kumkayo. Akusho ukulahla but  kusho ukugudlula nje kancane, ugudluze osisi bakho, ugudluze umama wakho unamathele kumkakho
  • Uma ama in-laws ekuhlupha wena you must love them noma bengathandeki and even bengakuthandi but ubathande wenzele u partner wakho  
  •  If ungashadile stop baking cakes for abakubo ka partner, yeka ukuhambisa igrocer kubo , yeka ukutholakala emakhishini akhona uma kunomsebenzi, abanye baze bafundise nezingane zakhona. Ukucubuza akusenziwa, igrocer does not determine you'll be a good wife what is more important i charactor yomuntu.
  • Make sure ukuthi you are not a driving school car, wonke umuntu ofuna ukufundela ukushayela uza kuwena, but if esefuna ukuthenga imoto he/she goes for the brand/new car.
  • Guys want gals ababajulukele, ababahluphekele, ayi nje okuze kalula  

PS Dube: Do's and Dont's in preparing for ushado

  • To be single is not a sin
  • Age must not worry you, you can enjoy life into its fullest
  • If you are single begin to appreciate yourself and enjoy your singleness. Its either you enjoy your singleness or you endure it
  • Pamper yourself, love yourself
  • If a guy ethi izokushada, ask him ukuthi ikhona yini imali for umshado so that uzokwazi ukuthi how long you are going to wait for him
  • Dont invest too much ku relationship ongayazi ukuthi iyakuphi.
  • Uma uyintokazi yakwenu faka i perfume ethi Tsi, Tsi, ayi lena ethi Fu, Fu. Phansi nge pentihose ekhanda, phansi nge gown ende eno zip omude, phansi nge calimine ebusweni, phansi ngokuluka amagoda okulala
  • Make sure you dont avail yourself, akake athi uyakufonela nje athole "the subscriber you have dialled is not available at present please try again later"  

Ps Khathide: Sex and Marriage

  • All of us we are the outcome of sex, sex is not wrong but when it is done wrongly than its wrong
  • Single people kumele ba abstain (e)  but kumele bakhulume about sex  with their partners before beshade . Abantu they don't talk about sex  in such a way that baze bashade and if sebeshadile uzwa u husband  esethi 'Sisi ngicela senze leyonto". Even educated people dont talk about sex.  
  •  Sex is an art, if ushadile you need to improve and develop your sexual skills so that unkosikazi wakho ezothi  evuka ekuseni avuke esecula ama chorus engaqedi.  Its not about how many rounds eniwenzile but what  is more important is the quality not the quantity.  Abafuneki abantu emshadweni abasazophathwa i epilepsy. God created sex for pleasure and so that we can have families
  • If usemshadweni you must explore and axperiment, a lot of woman are sexually starving emshadweni yabo .
  • Change i menu (sex) ungadli ukudla okukodwa njalo, ubaba osuthi udlula kwa Nandos or e kentucky  engathi akaboni
  • If you are single and uyahluleka to abstain from doing sex than uyingozi emphakathini.
  • Its great to wonder how sex is going to be than to know.  

 
QUESTIONS:

 
Ukucubuza akusekho yini or ku wrong yini?

Mam Mahlaba: Ukuletha oplastic, ukuthenga i grocer, ukubhakela umama ka partner akusho lutho akuchazi ukuthi umuntu will be a good wife, but what counts a lot i charactor yomuntu

 
Ngabe wonke umuntu unobambo lwakhe yini?

Bishop Mkhize: Kukhona abantu abathenwa while they were still in their mother's womb, lokhu kusho ukuthi yes kukhona abangenalo ubambo lwabo

 
Abantwana bethu bangaphandle sibanzenjani uma sesizoshada. Sihlale nabo emshadweni, sibashiye kogogo or sibashiye ko Malume?

Bishop Mkhize: Kumele nikhulume ngabo abantwana before nishade ningakhulumi senisemshadweni ngoba sekunezinkinga. Ayikho i formula for this but kumele nenze eni comfortable ngakho. Nikhumbule ukuthi konke kungasebenza emshadweni as long as nina nobabili nivumelene. If nivumelana remember ukuthi what ever decisions eniwathathayo ane advantange as well as i disadvantage yawo for example, if nibathatha abantwana nihlala nabo you are taking kids ezingasibo abandawonye, ezine diferrent background and if nihlala nabo obaba bazo or omama bazo they have that right yokuza lapho nihlala khona bezobona abantwana babo. If behlala no gogo omunye wenu kuzomele aqhubeke akhiphe imali lana ekhaya for ukondla izingane zakhe eningahlali nazo.

 
 
Ngifuna ukushada nomuntu oshonelwe unkosikazi, unomuzi nabantwana abathole emshadweni, ngihlale yini kulowomuzi okade uhlala  unkosikazi wakhe, ngihlale yini nabantwana bakhe?

Mam Mahlaba: Khulumani ngakho, khulumani if there is something ongekho oconfortable ngayo raise it up ku partner wakho. Uma uzoshada nomuntu onabantwana and ungabathandi abantwana bakhe you must be honest with him/her. tell him/her ukuthi ngiyakuthanda but uthando lwami luphela kuwena alidluleli kubantwana bakho. Than he/she will have to make a decision ukuthi uyaqhubeka nawe or not

 
To do mustarbation, is it wrong na?

Ps Khathide: Ngokwezwi lika Nkulunkulu yebo ku wrong, worse because if you are doing mustarbation kumele kube khona umuntu oba semqondweni wakho omcabangayo, so ubani ke lo osuke umcabanga wena?

 
Oral sex, is it wrong ukuyenza?

Ps Khathide: Abantu abashadile bakhululekile to do anything as long as they are comfortable about it, but never impose ku partner wakho..

 

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July 12 2009 1 12 /07 /July /2009 15:08
The VIBRATOR

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom
door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from
within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter
with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you
doing?'

The daughter replied: 'mom, I'm thirty-five years
old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as
I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
leave me alone.'

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz
coming from the other side of the closed bedroom
door. Upon entering the room, he observed his
daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter
said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this
thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a
husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'

A couple days later, the wife came home from a
shopping trip ,
placed the groceries on the kitchen
counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from,
of all places, the living room. She entered that
area and observed her husband sitting on the couch,
downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing
like crazy.

The wife asked: 'What the f... are you doing?'

The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my
son-in-law.'

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July 11 2009 7 11 /07 /July /2009 16:41
A couple is having a phahla-phahla and their 6year old catches them,  Son:
"Neeenzani"???? Ask the son.
Father: "Ngithel'unyoko ipetrol".
Son: "Haauu haauu! Ukush' ukuthi i-engine kamama iyayidl'ipetrol,
nobab'uZwane umthelile izolo".

Mother fainted!!!!!!!



A man went to the pub with his wife. When he left for the counter to  buy
drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered: "You must DEMAND  cash
before sex, I know him he doesn't pay.


Classic..
An 8 year old boy is accused of rape*.
In court his lady lawyer holds his dick out as evidence saying,
"Your honor see this, can he rape* wit this tiny tot?
The boy whispers,
"Don't shake it, we'll lose the case!"









Now that you've smiled, don't be stingy with the smiles share them  With
friends
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July 1 2009 4 01 /07 /July /2009 20:13
http://srv07.admin.over-blog.com/index.php?module=admin&action=blog:index&ref_site=5&nlc__=941246471606

Who said Blacks can't speak English? Thatha!!!

 

Sibusiso drives his Gusheshe into a service station, clad in shorts,

All-Stars, funky beard and i-spoti (small hat). He hands the coloured

attendant the keys complete with a beautiful Tupac keyring:

Sbu:"Gcwalisa mfethu, i-Super" (Gcwalisa means fillup the tank!)

Attendant:"How much?"

Sbu:"hayi bo, ngithe gcwalisa!" - meaning, hey I said fill up the tank!

Attendant:"I only speak English!"

Sbu:"No problem. Good day to you Sir. I currently feel a profound desire

to replenish the propellant of my motorized vehicle. Therefore, I

cordially request you to transfer, from your subterranean reservoir, a

sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane

rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of

perambulation to the brim."

Attendant:"Heh?"

Sbu: "Do you have a problem Sir? I thought you said you spoke only

English?"

Attendant: "English? That is not English!"

Sbu:"My dear Sir, are you veritably attempting to insinuate that you do

not even recognise the language which you allege to be your singular

means of communication?"

Attendant:"Heh?"

THATHA S'BU...

 

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